HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY, MONSTERFUCKERS
Toys for Valentine’s Day
Sex toys and monsters have a lot in common. They come in all shapes, sizes, textures, and colors, are often ribbed for her pleasure and sometimes deeply upsetting to look upon, and if you use them incorrectly you could end up in the hospital! So in the name of sexual health and monster safety, I am here to guide you on how not to break your bits, just your back with these cool sex toys and hot monster romances 💕
The Book: Crushing On Cupid by Naomi Piper
The Toy: HighOnLove Bath Salts with Rose Petals and Bomb’s Rose Air Vibe
Why They Pair So Well Together: Crushing On Cupid is a Valentine’s read that will make you believe in love, just like the classic rose vibrator. Serena is a cupid who takes love more seriously than quotas. Charlie is the only human who seems to be able to see her. There’s lots of really sweet sapphic smut in this one, and this pair seems especially fond of baths. So if you don’t have other plans tonight for Valentine’s Day, run a hot bath with some romantic bath salts, crack this novella open, and bring a rose toy with you. I recommend one with a handle, the grip on the regular one can be hard on your hand after a while.
The Book: A Heart for Valentine’s Day by Lexi Esme
The Toy: Grasp Heart Masturbator
Why They Pair So Well Together: A kind of fucked up toy for a kind of fucked up hero. In A Heart For Valentine’s Day, Aviel is a demon who has seen and done it all, acting as a sort of broker trading favors for money (or souls, if you don’t pay up). But when Adora, a human, comes to him with a completely selfless request—a matching donor heart for her dying sister—he finds himself inexplicably drawn to her. Their early conversations about death and choices and sacrifice made my heart race, and I’m not saying that for the pun. Aviel quickly becomes obsessed with Adora, in a way that is about as healthy as whatever one might do to this anatomically-correct heart sleeve. But the end result is also just as gooey and heart-warming (that’s the pun).
The Book: Blessed By The Cupid Distribution System by Robin Jo Margaret
The Toy: Gaia Bullet with Heart Finger Sleeve
Why They Pair So Well Together: Blessed By The Cupid Distribution System is a really sweet, romantic read, so I’ve paired it with a sweet, romantic toy. Jaya is a cupid assigned to help Iris find love for Valentine’s Day, but all Iris asks for is to spend the day with her. What unfolds is a daylong exploration into Iris’s romantic desires and Jaya realizing she also deserves a little love and affection. This pretty pink bullet would be the perfect accessory to their future steamy explorations of each other, with either partner holding the heart-shaped grip.
The Book: Petty Cupid by Sarah Blue
The Toys: Blush Naughty Candy Heart, Aslan White Jaguar Harness, Strap U Swirl Dildo, and Sex & Mischief Silk Restraints
Why They Pair So Well Together: Petty Cupid the most Valentine’s book to ever Valentine’s. Love, a cupid, is everything pink and roses and, well, love. And Death, a grim reaper, is…not. But he is more than happy to be her date to the Valentine’s ball and make a spectacle of their romance. I like to imagine that eventually their V-Day celebrations get a little freakier. Like with Death tied down in silk with his own cute heart-shaped plug to match Love’s, ready to take her pretty pink strap ❣️
perfectly curated 💘👼